I'd wear matching sweaters with you
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
