Is it normal to miss your booty call?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
