I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
