Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize