I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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