Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
