She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
