yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
