He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
