i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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