I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
