sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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