I bet he comes in French.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
