i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
