At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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