I can tuck mytits in my pants
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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