Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
