I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
