had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sober January is a disaster.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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