dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
