remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
