U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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