I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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