Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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