Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
