Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
