Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
