i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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