well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
