it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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