So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
