i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
