I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
