I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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