Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
