So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
