You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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