Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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