I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
