This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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