So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
