I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
