I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
