I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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