Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
