i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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