I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
