I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
