Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
