if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
