Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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