jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
