Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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