hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
