I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
