there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
