everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
