At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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