Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
