I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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