I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
