Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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