He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i dont even know how to be here
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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